Birthday Reminiscing

Holy Cow! How does half a century blow by in such a seemingly short time? If you haven’t guessed, I turned 50 today. I can remember thinking that 50 was so old when I was a teenager. As I’ve gotten closer to it, 50 had seemed younger and younger. My earliest memories are from when we lived in Sayre, PA, while my dad did his medical residency. We lived in a complex with other families of medical residents. I can remember my sister doing little hand puppet shows from the top bunk of our bed. I also remember my mom pouring boiling water down a rat hole in our backyard. My earliest birthday memory was at the farm in Borie, where my grandparents and many aunts, uncles, and cousins lived. My cousins and siblings made me the peanut queen and hauled me around in a wagon full of peanuts. I remember crying a lot. We moved to Coudersport and lived at the farm for a time the year I turned 7, so we celebrated my birthday there again. Aunt Judy, who lived across the yard, gathered my siblings and cousins for a project at her house. She must have left someone for me to play with, because I don’t remember feeling left out. After a while, my cousin Sandra came to Grandma’s house, and told me I should come and see the strange bug they had caught. When I got to Aunt Judy’s house, there was a surprise party, complete with a bug cake they had all decorated for me. We soon moved from the farm to a house my parents bought on West Hill Street, and I started school at Coudersport Elementary during the second grade. Many of my current friends, I met all the way back there in second grade. About this time, we started attending the CMA church. I became very close to the Thomas family (Jim, Marlene, Jimbo, Traci, and, later, Candice). The following summer, we had a special speaker for Vacation Bible School. One evening he presented the Plan of Salvation, and he asked if anyone wanted to come forward to ask Jesus to be their savior. Traci took me by the hand and asked me if I wanted to go, so we went together. I don’t think I probably understood it all, but I knew something in me had changed. I have some funny remembrances from the rest of Elementary School, like accidentally spelling D-A-M with four letters (if you know what I mean) in fourth grade. In fifth grade, Traci and I couldn’t stop laughing when Ms. Castano read a story about “Jimbo the Elephant” or when Mike Russell pulled his tooth during a spelling test and yelled “I got it!” In sixth grade, my teacher was Mrs. Brown (later Mrs. Baker). I can remember her wearing woven, squeaky clogs and using pink baby lotion on her hands. What I remember most is that she always read “Where the Red Fern Grows” to her sixth grade class, which probably started a little spark for my love of literature. Sometimes, her daughter Beth would have off school in Port Allegany and would visit her mom’s classroom. One time, she and I accidentally knocked over a display of pantyhose in Hamelins 5 and 10 cent store, because we were laughing at the huge bras hanging on the wall. I don’t remember too much that’s remarkable about Junior High. We were still attending the CMA church. Many of my friends and I were active in youth group. I didn’t always follow God the way I should have, but I always still knew that I was His. There are several funny things that I remember from Senior High. One time, several of us were playing cards in study hall. Mr. Jolly told us we weren’t allowed. The next time, we were pretending to play with invisible cards, and he threatened to give us detention. Then there was the time that my favorite teacher, Mr. Fleckenstein, made me write a 1,000 word essay on the dangers of shooting rubber bands. My friend Emily had shot me. When I tried to retaliate, she moved, and the rubber band hit the blackboard where Mr. Fleckenstein and Mr. Gagat were talking. When 12th grade was winding down, our youth group was planning to attend a National CMA Youth Conference. I hadn’t planned to go, but I had participated in all of the fundraisers. One day in church, I felt God speak to me, telling me to go to the conference. My response was, “If that’s You, God, please have someone tell me I can go, even though it’s past the deadline.” As soon as I walked out of the sanctuary, Jim Thomas told me I could still go. I guess I couldn’t argue with that. At the Youth Conference, I rededicated my life to the Lord. I decided to go to a Christian college instead of the State University I had planned to attend. I grew much in my faith in my two years at Nyack, and I’ve never turned back, though I am still far from perfect. In 1992, I married Sean, my high school sweetheart. We had baby Meredith in 1993, baby Tanner in 1995, baby Ethan in 1997, baby Troy in 1998, and baby Evan in 2003. I began homeschooling two months before Troy was born. I enjoyed homeschooling, even though it was never easy. Meredith and Tanner graduated at home, Ethan, Troy, and Evan have done a mixture of homeschooling and attending CHS. Meredith was married in 2014, and we now have a beautiful granddaughter. We’ve had many ups and downs, especially in the last 6 years, since my cancer diagnosis, but we know that God is good, and we can trust him in all circumstances. It’s fun to reflect, and I can share many more stories, but the most important thing for me is to recognize that God has always been faithful.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalm 118:1

I WILL Praise Him

Matthew‭ ‬6:10b‭ “‬your will be done,‭” ‬Job‭ ‬13:15a‭ “‬Though He slay me,‭ ‬yet will I‭ ‬hope in‭ ‬Him‭;‬”

Ever since I first heard the song‭ “‬So Will I‭”‬,‭ ‬I’ve been thinking about the word‭ “‬will.‭” ‬I feel like we don’t really ascribe as much weight to that word as we should.‭ ‬My thought is that we use it interchangeably with‭ “‬can‭” ‬or‭ “‬might‭” ‬when we should see it as something that refers to an act of our will,‭ ‬something we truly intend to do.‭ ‬I mean,‭ ‬what if the pastor said to the bride or groom at their wedding‭ “‬will you keep these vows‭?” ‬and the person responded with‭ “‬I can.‭” ‬I don’t think that would go over well with the potential spouse.‭ ‬Recently,‭ ‬a friend shared with me a story of a family that is going through many hardships,‭ ‬but have chosen to say‭ “‬We WILL praise God.‭” ‬First of all,‭ ‬the husband and father in this family has a progressive,‭ ‬debilitating disease that causes him to be unable to work.‭ ‬They are raising two small grandchildren.‭  ‬The wife has recently been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer.‭ ‬Her adult children have problems and recently,‭ ‬one of them passed away.‭ ‬My friend told me that the wife,‭ ‬especially,‭ ‬inspires her because she praises God so openly in church.‭ ‬She also said that she spoke at her child’s funeral,‭ ‬and she said‭ “‬I WILL praise God.‭” ‬This woman is making a conscious choice to praise God in the midst of suffering that has to be overwhelming.‭ ‬1‭ ‬Thessalonians‭ ‬5:16-18‭ ‬says‭ “‬16‭ ‬Rejoice always,‭ ‬17‭ ‬pray continually,‭ ‬18‭ ‬give thanks in all circumstances‭;‬ for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.‭” ‬We aren’t told to give thanks‭ ‬for everything,‭ ‬but we can thank God in all of our circumstances,‭ ‬because He promises to be with us in them.‭ ‬Isaiah‭ ‬43:2‭ ‬says‭ “‬When you pass through the waters,‭ ‬I will be with you‭;‬ and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.‭ ‬When you walk through the fire,‭ ‬you will not be burned‭;‬ the flames will not set you ablaze.‭” ‬And in Isaiah‭ ‬41:10‭ ‬it says‭ “‬So do not fear, for I am with you‭;‬ do not be dismayed,‭ ‬for I am your God.‭ ‬I will strengthen you and help you‭;‬ I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.‭” ‬There are many other,‭ ‬similar promises in the Bible.‭ ‬As Christians,‭ ‬God has given us His Holy Spirit to guide and to comfort us.‭ ‬Our circumstances may be very difficult,‭ ‬but we can still make it our will to praise God because we know that he has a plan and a purpose,‭ ‬and He WILL sustain us in all circumstances if we trust Him.‭ ‬I’ve done a pretty good amount of complaining since I’ve been in bed.‭ ‬I’m trying to remember to thank and praise God instead.‭ ‬There is so much we CAN be thankful for.‭ ‬Like the woman,‭ ‬referenced above,‭ ‬let’s say‭ “‬I WILL praise Him.‭”

Words 2

I have to admit that I sometimes use "bad" words. It's a habit I picked up in high school, and is difficult to break. These words usually come out when I'm frustrated or in pain. To tell you the truth, though, I'm not sure that these are really the words that the Bible speaks against. When the Bible talks about swearing, it is referring to taking an oath. The Bible warns against this because breaking an oath is very serious to God. If we make promises, we are to keep them. James 5:12 says "Above all, brothers and sisters, do not swear-not by heaven or by earth. All you need is a simple "yes" or "no." Otherwise you will be condemned." The Bible also warns against gossip. Proverbs 26:20 says "Without wood, a fire goes out; without a gossip, a quarrel dies down." Gossip can be so damaging, but it tends to be something we fall into easily, maybe even making it look like concern for the person. Malice, slander, and other forms of relating to, or speaking to, one another in negative ways show immaturity on our part. 1 Peter 2:1-3 says "Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3 now that you have tasted that the Lord is good." Many times, people hurt each other with their "joking", making fun of someones flaws, physical or otherwise, or being overly critical. As Christians, we do need to be able to correct one another, but we must make sure that our motives are pure, and we're doing it out of love. We tend to compare ourselves to others, and maybe, unconsciously, compete with them, when what we need to do is recognize our own shortcomings and allow God to work on us. We are called to build one another up, and not tear each other down. I think sometimes we talk simply because we are uncomfortable with silence, and sometimes, the more we talk, the more trouble we get into. Here are a couple of quotes that I like: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt." and "A closed mouth gathers no foot." I've been reminded lately that our struggle is against the Devil, and not other people. We need to stand against him together, instead of fighting against each other. I picture us either standing shoulder to shoulder with our swords drawn against him, or facing each other with our swords drawn, and doing his job for him. Let's not fight and devour one another. We have a common enemy that already wants to do that. 1 Thessalonian 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." Words can be used to hurt or heal. Let's choose them wisely.

Come and Hear the Vision

I'm so excited for this! If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have a deep desire to help raise funds for a school in Haiti. My friend, Dr. Vilmer Paul, administers this school, which currently serves approximately 700 students in a church building, which is not adequate for the task. God has given Vilmer a huge vision to reach many more students. He has the opportunity to buy land and build a facility for many more students. A large sum of money has been raised, but much more is needed. Vilmer and his wife, Sarah, will be in Coudersport in early August. Vilmer will be speaking at the new Gods Country Ministries' (former Coudersport Free Methodist church) building at 1237 East 2nd Street on August 7th. I want to invite you all to hear his vision for yourselves. There will be a dinner provided at 5:30, with Vilmer to speak afterwards. We will need a ballpark figure for dinner, so if you'd like to attend, please let me know via email (erin.mckeone@gmail.com) or on the Facebook event page that will be up soon.

The Struggle to Choose Contentment and Joy

Philippians 4:11-13, "11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

James 1:2-4 has been brought to my mind several times lately. Here is what they say. "2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." These verses are sometimes very hard to hear and, truthfully, at times make me a little angry. I know that sounds terrible, but the pain and uncertainty sometimes bring out the worst in me. In the last couple of weeks, I feel like God has been telling me that I need to be content in this circumstance. I'm starting to realize that first and foremost, contentment is not really a feeling, but a choice. As Paul states in the verses above (Philippians 4:11-13), he wasn't just able to be content in every circumstance, but it was through Christ and His strength that he was able to choose contentment. I'm learning that in the same way, joy is a choice. Because, sometimes, I feel anything but joy. When I feel that way, I have to remind myself (and others have to remind me) that God has a purpose and a plan that is much greater than I can imagine. Isaiah 55:8-9 says "8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. 9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." I keep praying for healing, but I am also recognizing that God is able to use me here. He has brought to my bedside people that I haven't seen in a while (in some cases, years), and we've been able to bless each other. I'm pretty sure that if the circumstances were different, these encounters would not have taken place. So pray with me, please, that I would choose contentment and joy by God's strength rather than lie here and wonder what the purpose is. You can also send me your prayer requests, since I have lots of time to pray.

Breathing His Name

Psalm 1:1-2 "Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, 2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night." A while back, I was using a guided Christian meditation from YouTube. Please don't get hung up on guided meditation, as it was all Biblical, and we are told to meditate on God's Word. Sometimes, it helps to focus if someone is talking you through it. Anyway, the person speaking counseled the listener to focus and try to control their breathing. She said that our respirations actually sound like the original Hebrew name for God, YHWH (Jehovah). I haven't been able to do much research on this myself, but Tanner found an article that said "God’s name, YHWH, is comprised of aspirated consonants that, spoken, are the sound of breathing." (The Rabbit Room; "Is The Name Of God The Sound Of Our Breathing?") Since I have many fractured vertebrae, I've lost quite a bit of height in my torso. This has reduced my lung capacity, which makes me take more breaths per minute. I also often hyperventilate while I have to be on my side for wound care. A couple weeks ago, I started thinking again about the idea that each breath says God's name. I'm trying to be conscious of that, especially when I'm feeling anxious. Genesis 2:7 says "Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being." Isn't it amazing to think that, when God gave life to the first man, He also put His name in the breath of all of us who would come after. I've read that the Israelites didn't intentionally pronounce this name for God, as they revered it so highly, knowing that they were not to take His name in vain. I'm not sure if they knew that their every breath was speaking his name. I hope this encourages you to sometimes just think about Him as you breathe.

Words

Please read this verse out loud. "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith." Proverbs 15:17 Please tell me that the idea of the stalled ox caught you off guard for a second. A couple weeks ago, Tanner was typing the blog for me. I asked him to copy and paste Proverbs 17:17. However, he accidentally copied and pasted the above verse instead. When I asked him to read it to me, at first, the stalled ox registered in my brain like a stalled car. Words can be funny like that. Sometimes, when I hear the word "orthodox", I think of the two orthopedic surgeons Sean works with, haha! But seriously, we need to be careful with our words. Several times in the past weeks, I've heard the verse from Ephesians 5:19, which says "speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord". I was thinking that we don't really do that, however, my friends and I send each other song links all the time, and many people have spoken scripture or sent it to me throughout this trial. Some visitors even sing to me. I have to admit, for the past couple of months, I've been discouraged, and my speech, at least to my family, has been rather negative. The Bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue, and that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. I don't like to think that my heart is overflowing with negativity. For a time, I was asking God to take me home, as it didn't seem to me like he was going to heal me. I had a pretty big scare with some breathing problems a week ago, and I realized that I really don't want to go yet unless it truly is God's will for me. Don't get me wrong, I know that to depart and be with God is going to be glorious. But, as Tanner keeps reminding me, if God hasn't taken me yet, then I'm here for a reason. I'm trying to be much more positive in my thoughts and speech, and to truly trust God for the strength to endure. I've gotten back to listening to praise songs, which really helps. The Bible says much about speech and how we are to speak to one another. I think I'll save those verses for another blog entry. Suffice it to say, for now, that we need to do our best to build others up instead of tearing them down. With God's help, we can do it.

Love Prepares a Place

From the thin set of her lips, you might think she was very stern. But, she also had a playful side. Mary Cordelia Watson-Jackson was my mother's paternal grandmother, and very dear to her. As a girl, she lived with her family just a couple miles from the Jackson farm, which is in a little place called Borie, near Coudersport, PA. At the time, the farm was in its second generation, having been settled by Joshua Jackson. It was now being run by his son, Merrick. Merrick had a son named Orlando, who was fond of Mary. I don't know the details of their courtship, but Orlando eventually proposed marriage. Orlando did not have a home of his own, and Mary was unwilling to live with his parents, so she refused his proposal. She told my mother that she went home, threw herself on the bed, and cried. I'm not sure when Orlando began building the house, or how long it took, but Great-Grandma told my mom that for the next three years, she and Orlando simply tipped their hats to each other and that was it. Eventually, the house was finished, and Orlando and Mary were married. Sometime later, a post office and general store were added on to the building. Mary and Orlando lived in that house for the rest of their lives, while their son, Merrick Victor, inherited the larger farmhouse from his grandparents. The store was eventually moved to the backyard of my grandparents' house, and was used to house the hunters who would come each year during deer season. However, it was always called the "store". This story always reminded me of the words Jesus said in John 14:1-3, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." Jesus loves us so much that he left the glory of Heaven to come and live on this earth and die for our sins so that we may spend an eternity with Him. The house that Orlando built for Mary was small, but adequate. It has been lived in first by my uncle Daryl and aunt Judy and their family, then was moved up the road, added onto, and is currently the home of my uncle Buck and aunt From the thin set of her lips, you might think she was very stern. But, she also had a playful side. Mary Cordelia Watson-Jackson was my mother's paternal grandmother, and very dear to her. As a girl, she lived with her family just a couple miles from the Jackson farm, which is in a little place called Borie, near Coudersport, PA. At the time, the farm was in its second generation, having been settled by Joshua Jackson. It was now being run by his son, Merrick. Merrick had a son named Orlando, who was fond of Mary. I don't know the details of their courtship, but Orlando eventually proposed marriage. Orlando did not have a home of his own, and Mary was unwilling to live with his parents, so she refused his proposal. She told my mother that she went home, threw herself on the bed, and cried. I'm not sure when Orlando began building the house, or how long it took, but Great-Grandma told my mom that for the next three years, she and Orlando simply tipped their hats to each other and that was it. Eventually, the house was finished, and Orlando and Mary were married. Sometime later, a post office and general store were added on to the building. Mary and Orlando lived in that house for the rest of their lives, while their son, Merrick Victor, inherited the larger farmhouse from his grandparents. The store was eventually moved to the backyard of my grandparents' house, and was used to house the hunters who would come each year during deer season. However, it was always called the "store". This story always reminded me of the words Jesus said in John 14:1-3, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. 2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." Jesus loves us so much that he left the glory of Heaven to come and live on this earth and die for our sins so that we may spend an eternity with Him. The house that Orlando built for Mary was small, but adequate. It has since been moved up the road, renovated, and is currently the home of my uncle and aunt. However, our earthly homes cannot compare to the place that Jesus is lovingly preparing for us.

A Girl and her Papa

I woke up writing a story this morning, and I wanted to share it with you. Once there was a little girl whose legs were badly burned in a fire. The smoke had also dimmed her vision. Her father, the town doctor, rescued her from the fire. He immediately put her into a cool bath. "It hurts, papa! How badly it hurts!" "I know, my dear child, but we must cool the burning." he said, as he held her. Gently he raised her from the bath, and laid her in her little bed. He assessed her wounds, which were severe, but curable with the proper care. He gently rubbed to remove the damaged skin. "Papa!" She exclaimed, "why must you hurt me so?!" "My darling, I would never hurt you without reason, but we must remove the old and the dead so that the new can grow." He gently applied a salve to her wounds, which gave her some relief. He also applied a sort of salve to her heart by letting her know God would never leave her or forsake her, as well as other encouragement from the Bible. "Papa, what about my eyes?" "My sweet daughter, right now you only see dimly, but in time, I believe you will see clearly again. For now, listen intently, and I believe you will hear more beautiful sounds than you have ever heard before." Day after day, the painful treatments continued, but the salve was bringing its healing both to her legs and her heart. One day, the little girl could hear sawing and hammering. She asked her papa what was happening. "I'm fashioning you a little chair with which we may go out walking." "Oh, Papa, how delightful, but I'm still unable to see clearly." "You will be able to see in other ways, with your ears, your nose, and your heart." The first time, they ventured forth, and she found this to be true. She could envision the roses in the hedge by their beautiful scent, she learned to identify birds by their songs, and many of the neighbors began, as her father had, to put healing salve on her heart. Each evening, as her dressings were removed, she would cry out in pain, asking again why it had to be. With tears in his eyes, her papa explained, "Pain is a part of healing. If you did not feel the pain, you would probably lose your legs." Gradually, new skin began to grow. The salve that was being applied to her heart was also growing in her a deep love for her papa, and a deep compassion for others. Eventually, her papa made for her a little pair of crutches, with which, she could walk on her own, and her eyes became clearer. If she heard of a child in the village who was sick or in pain, she would go to them with the healing salve from her papa, and from her Father in heaven. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5.

Trying to Refocus

Proverbs 17:17, " A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." I've been avoiding writing lately because I've felt depressed. It's been four months and five days, with lots of ups and downs, since we got the hospital bed. When I started getting some sensation in my legs a couple months ago, I really thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm still having sensation, but I haven't been able to move my legs. I've also had an increase in pain. I have allowed these to make me rather depressed. I also felt like it would be hypocritical to write when I wasn't following the advice I already posted. I realize now that if I had to wait to be perfect in order to write, it would never happen. This is not about me being perfect, but about God being perfect. Even Paul did not claim to have attained the goal of complete Christ-likeness this side of heaven. Philippians 3:12-14, "12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Hopefully my focus is back in the right direction, off of me and on God. I love the verse from Proverbs 17:17 mentioned above, and I've seen it borne out so beautifully in these last few months. Family and friends have been so faithful to write, visit, provide meals and other needs, pray, give advice when I ask for it, run kids around, and lots of other things that I may have forgotten to list. Some friends visit several times a week and help with my personal care. Some come and read with me. My Dad is here daily to do wound care, with other family members coming regularly to either help with my care or help with other needs, and visit. My Mom cooks for us several times a week. And, of course, Sean and Tanner handle the bulk of my care, with my other children providing lots of encouragement. I need to remember to be thankful for these things. I'm still hoping and praying for movement in my legs and the ability to walk again. There are three main things that I would love to do when that happens. First would be to visit my daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter in New Hampshire. Second would be to walk through the doors of our new church. And third would be to help pastor Vilmer Paul to raise funds for his school in Haiti, and visit to see the fulfillment of the vision God gave him.

More on the Sufferings of Christ

My mouth is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. (Psalm 22:15). Several months ago, I wrote about the sufferings of Christ. I said that my own sufferings have made me sorrowful over my sins in a way I had never been before, because they made me think of what Christ suffered for me. A while back, I woke up with the worst dry mouth I've ever experienced. It made me think of the verse above from Psalm 22. Much of Psalm 22 seems to be talking about the crucifixion of Christ, so this seems to be something else he suffered. Another of His sufferings that I was reminded of lately was His anguish as he prayed in the garden before his arrest. The Bible says that His sweat was "like drops of blood" as He cried out to the Father to let this cup pass from Him. However, He was ready and willing to submit to the Father's will. Let us never forget what Christ suffered for us. May it cause us to never take our sin lightly. 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

Prayer

Ascribe to the Lord, you heavenly beings, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. 2 Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness. 3 The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters. Thus begins Psalm 29. The rest of the chapter uses equally majestic language to describe God and His greatness and glory. A few days ago I started to pray in my usual way and then I stopped to think to Whom I was speaking. It overwhelmed me. How can I be talking to the God of the Universe? Sometimes I catch myself being so casual as I start to pray. Isaiah 6 is another passage that shows the majesty and greatness of God.Verses 1-3 say, "In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.” This is Who I'm talking to when I pray. Do I show Him the proper reverence? Under the Old Covenant, the Israelites were not allowed to approach God for themselves. They had priests who made sacrifices and sought God on their behalf. There was a veil in the tabernacle and later the Temple through which only the High Priest could enter once a year to make atonement for their sins. When Jesus was crucified, the veil was torn in two, opening the way for all to enter the presence of God through the atoning work of His Son. Hebrews chapter 4 says that Jesus is our High Priest and that we should, "approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (verse 16). Isn't it amazing to think that Almighty God wants us to come to Him in prayer and that He sacrificed so much so that we could? I want to approach Him in a way that gives Him the honor that He's due. There are times, though, that I'm sure all we can croak out is "help me, God," or something similar and, as our Abba (daddy-Romans 8), I think He's ok with that too.

Nothing is Impossible

Psalm 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. These are some verses that have been very meaningful to me since early in this journey. One night I was praying that God would knit me back together as He had knit me in my mother's womb. A couple days later, I was on the phone with my mom and she told me she had been praying earlier in the week and she felt like God was telling her that He was knitting me back together. I was overwhelmed because I hadn't told anyone about my prayer. Also early in the journey, my son Tanner had a vision of me walking again. He is emphatic in his belief in it. Recently I've had 5 or 6 other people tell me of dreams they've had of me walking. Make of these things what you will but I am starting to have some sensation in my feet and legs that is encouraging to me. God has given me some big dreams while I've been in this bed. I really want the chance to see them come true. I feel like much of the focus of my walk with God has been incomplete in the past. I truly want to serve now. I think I've said before that suffering has sharpened my focus. Is it hard to believe I'll walk again? Yes. But it's getting a little easier. I don't know God's will for sure but I do know, "nothing will be impossible with God." ~ Luke 1:37

Confession

James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." Psalm 32: 3 "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer." James 3:1 "Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." The singing group, Casting Crowns, sings a song called Stained Glass Masquerade about our propensity as Christians to try and look perfect to each other. The Bible tells us to confess to one another and pray for each other. How often do we do that? I know that for me it was seldom. Or at least i didnt confess like i should have, asking someone to keep me accountable for changing. You see, I was often angry and bitter in my marriage. I thought it was Sean's job to make me happy instead of letting God fill me. It wasn't a full time thing by any means but it was an ugly cycle. There were times that I was teaching Bible Study and struggling with the anger when God's hand was heavy upon me like the verse above says above but I hid my sin and kept teaching. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, Sean and I changed and started to be more attentive and sselfless, but after a while of feeling better we kind of fell back into our old patterns. And quite literally, while I kept silent my bones were wasting away. I'm happy to report that since my relapse in 2017, the angry cycle has not been part of our marriage. There has been asking and granting of forgiveness. Lying in this bed, I've had lots of time to think about the ugliness of sin. I've had to repent and I've also realized how subtle Satan is at getting us to justify ourselves and blame others. Why do I share all of this? Because I know I'm not the only one. The Bible says we all struggle in many ways. The remedy for my pattern of anger should have been to have a mature believer to keep me accountable for change. We need to be transparent and stop hiding behind our masks of perfection. People need to see our struggles to know they're not alone in theirs. ( I'm going to add to this and not by way of excuse. I know now that I have had issues with estrogen dominance which caused awful mood swings. There are things like diet changes that help. In case others have this issue.)

Discouraged? Look Up

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:11 I have to be honest, I have been letting myself give in to discouragement the last few days. These verses speak of the soul being downcast. It's when we take our eyes off God and start looking down at ourselves that discouragement sets in. Verses 1 and 2 say,"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.When can I go and meet with God?" Isn't that an awesome description of yearning for God? When I thought of this passage this morning, I had to ask myself if I yearn for God in this way. The Bible says that we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. I definitely want that to be true of my life, but I'm not sure that it always is. Maybe that's another reason that I needed this trial in my life. The Bible talks about God refining us like gold and gold is refined by fire. Verse 11 quoted above says, "put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." We don't have to, nor should we, wait to praise Him. I think that is key to overcoming discouragement. I have much for which to praise Him. First of all, He has saved me from my sin by the blood of Jesus. Secondly, in this trial I have so many wonderful caregivers. Sean and Tanner have been able to care for me here at home and they do a wonderful job of it. My parents and my sister come and help often as well. I also have many friends who keep checking in and come to do whatever I ask of them. I have so many people praying for me and encouraging me. Last night I had a very restful sleep which has been eluding me lately. I could go on and on. If you're discouraged today, lift up your eyes and your downcast soul and find whatever you can praise God for. I promise you, there is something even if you don't think so.

They Said it Better

Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. 6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light And your judgment as the noonday. Psalm 37:3-6 I remember driving along with my daughter once and saying, " I gnever wanted to just survive." She was sort of taken aback and asked me what I meant. At the time, our kids were probably ages 4-14 and I was homeschooling them. I've often said of that season that I felt like I was being dragged behind a horse. It really shouldn't have been that way but I think I've always found it easier to fly by the seat of my pants than to be intentional about life. It's so easy to get into the rut of just getting up, going through the motions of our days without thinking or seeking after God's purpose in our lives. The verses above speak of cultivating faithfuless. Cultivation is intentional. You don't just go throw some seeds on the ground and expect them to grow.i think that in our walk with the Lord sometimes it's easy to get into the same kind of rut. Maybe we go through the motions, read our bibles, pray,go to church and bible study, but does it really translate into the life God wants for us? (I started writing this post earlier today. I felt like I was fumbling for words. I heard a song this evening that I think sums it up. It's called, "In the Time You Gave Me" by Bradley Walker and Joey Feek. https://youtu.be/wdRgZyeg07Y)

Are you on the highway?

Hebrews chapter 12 speaks of running the race marked out for each of us as believers in Christ. We are to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Each of us has our own race to run. The chapter goes on to talk about submitting to God's discipline and being taught by it, gaining the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Then there are these two verses plunked down, " Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13 “Make level paths for your feet,”so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." I keep coming back to them because of my current situation and wondering over them. So I decided to see if there were similar verses elsewhere in the Bible. I found a beautiful passage in Isaiah 35. It has lovely imagery of a desert bursting into bloom. It speaks of the glory and splendor of the Lord. Verses 3 and 4 say, "Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; 4 say to those with fearful hearts “Be strong, do not fear;your God will come he will come with vengeance;with divine retribution he will come to save you." That sounds kind of harsh but God's people, Israel had many enemies from whom He repeatedly saved them. Then it speaks of a highway. "And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness;it will be for those who walk on that Way The unclean will not journey on it; wicked fools will not go about on it. 9 No lion will be there,nor any ravenous beast;they will not be found there. But only the redeemed will walk there, 10 and those the Lord has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." Now, what I want to ask is are you on that highway? Like Israel, we have an enemy from whom we need to be saved. Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." None of us is good enough to keep all of God's law so if we want to be His and spend eternity with Him we must be saved from our sin by Him. He loves us so much that He sent His Son to pay the penalty for our sin on the cross. We must recognize and acknowledge our sin and then we need to repent and turn from it. If you desire to be saved, pray to Him. Acknowledge that you have sinned and that you repent of that sin and that you need to be saved through the blood that Jesus shed on the cross. Everlasting life and joy await you there.

Resting in the Yoke?

Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” I felt prompted to use this passage in yesterday's post about giving up my tendency to try to control everything but I couldn't really figure out why. I'm kind of laughing at myself this morning because it is so obvious. What is the opposite of trying to be in control, especially in my walk with Christ? It is submitting to Him. I feel like this verse is very paradoxical because it speaks of rest while in a yoke. A yoke is an instrument of work "a wooden crosspiece that is fastened over the necks of two animals and attached to the plow or cart that they are to pull." That doesnt sound very restful. So what does Jesus mean when He says the weary and burdened should take His yoke upon them? He means for us to get into the yoke with Him, to walk beside Him and learn from Him. So often we are running around trying to do things for God and others and ourselves without taking any thought or time to seek what God has for us to do. This becomes exhausting. In the study, Experiencing God, by Henry and Richard Blackaby, the authors put forth the premise that God is always at work and that He will show us how to join Him in it if we will be alert to the opportunity. Then, as we take up the yoke of the gentle Savior and follow His lead, the work will not be burdensome. Let's pray that our eyes will be opened to where God is working around us and instead of trying to do it on our own, take His yoke upon us and really learn from Him. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Releasing Control

Lying here contemplating. Over the past year I have been involved in a small group. Our focus was mostly on the book Soul Care by Rob Reimer. The book begins by examining where we derive our identity. As Christians, we should derive it from what God says of us. We are His dearly loved children. Those He loved so much that He sent His sinless Son to die for us. But we have a tendency to forget and think that our worth either comes by pleasing people or performance or control. I was surprised when I asked God where I was deriving my identity and the immediate response was control. God revealed to me an incident from my childhood from which it stemmed that I had no idea still affected me. Anyway, fast forward to when my pain started in October. I started trying to figure out if the problem was food or supplements or some combination. I had just written my post on being still but I was clamoring for answers and trying to control what was happening to my body. I would say things like,"I know God wants me to be still, but what does that mean? Stop taking my supplements? Eating different food? Clamor clamor!" Meanwhile, pain began to become weakness, then numbness until I ended up in my hospital bed. God has taught me so much in this bed. He has taught me to really pray. Early on many of the prayers were for myself to be released and healed but He has so expanded my focus. Of course I pray for my loved ones as always, but He has expanded my focus to persecuted Christians, human trafficking, poverty in the world and I am praying like crazy for a school in Haiti. I've learned that I don't have to carefully control my emotions with those who love me which had kept me from wanting visitors. Even now I am struggling a bit with this tendency, feeling like I need to closely control my diet, etc. I am still on a cancer fighting natural protocol and yes, diet plays a big role, however, my faith focus must be on God not on what I can do. I believe I needed this enforced stillness to really learn to relinquish control. I'm not there yet but my hope is to one day be in the place where all that I desire is what He wants for me. I want my heart to be broken for what breaks His and to pour out my life in meeting the needs He will allow me to meet.Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

A God-sized Vision for Haiti part 2

I wanted to revisit this subject because I feel I dealt with it far too simplistically. I want to really introduce you to Vilmer and for you to hear his vision in his own words. I believe that God has truly raised him up to make positive change in his country by training the children he desires to serve. Here is the biographical information he sent me. Vilmer Paul Born at Terrier Rouge on March 24, 1977 at 4 PM (40) Vilmer Paul married Sara Souffrance who was born at Lavictoire on December 13, 1979 (38) on September 16, 2000.  4 Children have been born from them, Hantz-Bell Paul March 6, 2001, Gashly August 1st, 2003, Gardy June 7, 2007, Evangela November 22, 2010. They live at Madeline Cap-Haitian in the North of Haiti. Vilmer Paul converted to the Lord at 13 years old, wanted to be a lawyer and studied Haitian law for three years; it was when he had to start his last year that the Lord called him to be in the pastoral journey. He went to EBS (Emmaus Biblical Seminary) on September 2003 and graduated with a bachelor in theology in May 23, 2007. Discovered for his attitude (spiritually mature, academically strong) by Dr. Bill Cooper and Miss Marylou Wunker, he has been chosen to be supported to do a Master in Divinity at Wesley Biblically MSS (July 2008-April 28, 2012). As he keep fulfilling the same requirements which are spiritual maturity and academic strength, Dr. Bill Cooper supported him to do his Doctor of Ministry in Christian Leadership in the Global Context (May 2012- May 7, 2016) at Alliance Theological Seminary/ Nyack college, NY. He has been playing some important roles at EBS the seminary from which he got his BTH. He works there for 8 years as; Academic Dean, Dean of Church Relation and Development, Greek and New Testament Teacher, then Vice president. Currently, Pastor and church planter of Eglise Clarté Celeste, (Heavenly Brightness Churche) Cap-Haitian (about 500 people planted on September 2000) , Bois d’Homme Bas (about 120 people planted in November 2013) and the new church plant at Mornet, a very voodoo, idolatrous oriented area (13 people since April 2016) He is the founder of ICEP (Institution Centre d’Espoir de Petite-Anse) Hope Center Institute of Petite-Anse (700 students). He is the pedagogic Director of ICEP, and the Overseer of the church /school in Bois d’Homme Bas (160 students). And the new plant Church at Mornet. So you see, Vilmer is a highly trained and skilled educator with a God-given vision to raise up a generation of well-educated, morally solid citizens in a place where many would not have the opportunity to go to sch ool otherwise. However,he needs the help of God's people to buy land that would allow for adequate buildings for the many students he wants to teach. Right now there are 700 students in an inadequate building. I will again explain that since the deadline passed without the full monies being raised that the landowner can try to break the contract in which case a court could make the previous monies raised forfeit. However, the landowner has not moved in that direction. Can we give in faith knowing and praying that our mighty God can protect our investment? "I can't wait to see God raising a generation of men and women who value Ethics, Character, Morality and Spirituality to take over this Country. we will not find them, I think God would use us to raise them, train, them and discipline them for His purpose." Vilmer Paul https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1640452

A God-sized Vision for Haiti

I have a friend who is a Pastor in Haiti. His name is Vilmer Paul. He has what I would call a God-sized Vision to reach the children of Haiti with the truth about Jesus. Haiti is a country steeped in voodoo. Vilmer has written of girls who have been burned badly through voodoo rituals performed by others. For several years Vilmer has run a school at his church. They currently serve 700 children in an inadequate building. They have the opportunity to purchase land that would allow them to serve many more. They have already raised much of their needed funding but more is needed. I wrote a couple weeks ago about the true fasting mentioned in Isaiah 58. This is our chance to do some of that. I do need to add a caveat for full disclosure. The most recent deadline with the landowner was Feb. 15 and since the payment came up short they could refuse it and a judge could make Vilmer forfeit the monies already raised. I'm choosing to believe that God gave Vilmer this vision and that if we give, the landowner will accept. Will you prayerfully join me in giving? https://www.paypal.com/fundraiser/charity/1640452

Either Way We Are Clay

Romans 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." I'm intrigued by the theme of clay in the Bible. I know that by most translations, it says that God formed Adam from the dust of the ground. I think it makes more sense that God formed Adam from clay. The New Testament often refers to believers as vessels made of clay as in 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 " But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." Jeremiah Chapter 18 depicts God as a Potter. "This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: 2 “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” 3 So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. 5 Then the word of the Lord came to me. 6 He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel. Romans 12:1-2 quoted above speak of either being conformed or transformed. The way I see it is either way we are clay. Clay can be squished into a mold and will take on the shape of the mold. We are told in these verses not to conform to the pattern of the world, but if we are not actively seeking to be transformed that is just what will happen. God calls His people to holiness. It is so easy to let little compromises into our lives that begin to erode our faith and witness. We need to be those who study God's word and obey it. We need to seek Him in prayer and listen when He convicts us of sin. I'm finding in my own life that much of what I may have seen as harmless entertainment, etc. really pulls me away from true commitment to God. God loves us so much and has made the way for us to be saved from our sins by the death and resurrection of His Son. In view of that great mercy, let us allow Him to transform us as the potter transforms the clay.

True Fasting

Isaiah chapter 58 speaks of God's people fasting. Fasting is a practice to which God calls His people from time to time. Most times it refers to abstaining from food for a time. It can be a time for seeking Him in prayer and Bible study as well. In this passage, however, it seems that God's people were not really attempting to draw near to God or to seek Him but to put on a show so He would reward their sacrifice. Verses1-3 say,“Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet.Declare to my people their rebellion and to the descendants of Jacob their sins. 2 For day after day they seek me out;they seem eager to know my ways,as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God.They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them.‘Why have we fasted,’ they say‘and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves,and you have not noticed?’ The passage goes on to say that their fasting resulted in exploiting others and in strife. So what was the problem? Their focus was wrong. God calls His people to something much different. Verses 6-9 say,“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe them,and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? 8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,and your healing will quickly appear;then your righteousness will go Before you,and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." God calls His people to focus on others, to take their cross and follow Him, to be His ministers to a needy world. Then He is our sufficiency. It can be easy to just go through the motions of spiritual disciplines and expect that we are pleasing to Him but let's think about what He really calls us to do. There is great reward, the very presence of God.

Remember Those in Prison

Hebrews 13:1"Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. 2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. 3 Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering." Yesterday I was struggling with so much time on my hands to stare at the ceiling and ponder my situation. I truly want to get well and I still believe God can heal me if He wills it, but sometimes I get into begging mode instead of trusting and seeking His plan for this time. I was reminded of these verses in the book of Hebrews about remembering those in prison as if we were together with them. I think it is easy for us as Chrristians in America to forget about our brothers and sisters around the world who risk their lives to uphold the name of Jesus. I spent part of my evening reading and listening to stories of those suffering for their faith. I have more time to pray than ever and these people need much prayer. I read a story of a woman named Twen who has been a prisoner since 2004. She was imprisoned with another woman, for whom she would often take beatings. She also cared for her when she was ill, even carrying her to the bathroom when she was unable to walk. Twen has since been moved to another prison where she has had opportunity to escape but made her way back to the prison to minister to others. How amazing! Would you join me as you are able in remembering those in prison? Here is a resource page: https://www.persecution.com/getinvolved/

Accepting Love

Yesterday some circumstances I can't mention out of respect to the person experiencing them, brought me to the realization that I have been prideful in not accepting help and comfort from others in this time of need. We have so many wonderful friends and family bringing us food and offering help. I have been resistant to some of the help, sadly. Proverbs 17:17" A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity." So I am going to try harder to allow myself to accept help or companionship or whatever we feel we need. More than ever yesterday I had to remind myself that God is in control. How silly that I ever think otherwise.Isaiah 43:10“You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me. 11 I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from me there is no savior. 12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed— I, and not some foreign god among you. You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “that I am God. 13 Yes, and from ancient days I am he. No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it?”

He is Faithful

Faithful readers and friends, I wanted to update you on my condition and what is going on in my journey at the moment. After the pain and weakness that began in October, I went into a downhill slide that now has had me in a hospital bed at home since January 2. I am dependent for nearly everything. Sean is my primary caregiver with help from Tanner and my parents. Right now Meredith and her 2 year old are here to help too. As I've said in the past, I have fought the cancer natually for over 5 years feeling well for a full 4 of them. Even when the pain started I had been doing very well. So I sit here and analyze and wonder if there was something I should have done differently. However, I continue to seek to be still before God knowing that His ways are infinitely greater than mine. I did finally relent and allow my dad to give me a steroid that has helped somewhat as I continue to seek alternatives. There is no doubt that we are not going to effect some simple cure. Any healing will be supernatural and only by God's hand. He is certainly able if that is His perfect plan for our family. If it is His plan to heal me by giving me my new glorious body sooner than I expected, then He will sustain us in that journey as well. I have much time on my hands in this bed. Some nights are sleepless which affords time for either worry/analysis or prayer. Fighting hard for the latter. I try to focus on God and His greatness. He spoke the Universe into being. He holds the power over winds and waves. I believe He hung the planets exactly where they need to be to sustain life on earth. He continually fights for His people, often just telling them to stand and see His salvation. So many verses speak of Him laying His hand upon us. How amazing to think that the God of the Universe is so involved with us if we allow Him to be. The Bible says He does all of this out of His great love for us. It is not something we have to earn, just to accept it as a gift. As great as all of this is, just think of eternity with Him someday. So that is a little of what is going on. Moments and sometimes days can be very difficult but I can attest to a peace that passes understanding that only comes from casting our cares on the One Who is able to sustain us.