Prayer

Ascribe to the Lord, you heavenly beings, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. 2 Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness. 3 The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord thunders over the mighty waters. Thus begins Psalm 29. The rest of the chapter uses equally majestic language to describe God and His greatness and glory. A few days ago I started to pray in my usual way and then I stopped to think to Whom I was speaking. It overwhelmed me. How can I be talking to the God of the Universe? Sometimes I catch myself being so casual as I start to pray. Isaiah 6 is another passage that shows the majesty and greatness of God.Verses 1-3 say, "In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.” This is Who I'm talking to when I pray. Do I show Him the proper reverence? Under the Old Covenant, the Israelites were not allowed to approach God for themselves. They had priests who made sacrifices and sought God on their behalf. There was a veil in the tabernacle and later the Temple through which only the High Priest could enter once a year to make atonement for their sins. When Jesus was crucified, the veil was torn in two, opening the way for all to enter the presence of God through the atoning work of His Son. Hebrews chapter 4 says that Jesus is our High Priest and that we should, "approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (verse 16). Isn't it amazing to think that Almighty God wants us to come to Him in prayer and that He sacrificed so much so that we could? I want to approach Him in a way that gives Him the honor that He's due. There are times, though, that I'm sure all we can croak out is "help me, God," or something similar and, as our Abba (daddy-Romans 8), I think He's ok with that too.

Nothing is Impossible

Psalm 139:13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. These are some verses that have been very meaningful to me since early in this journey. One night I was praying that God would knit me back together as He had knit me in my mother's womb. A couple days later, I was on the phone with my mom and she told me she had been praying earlier in the week and she felt like God was telling her that He was knitting me back together. I was overwhelmed because I hadn't told anyone about my prayer. Also early in the journey, my son Tanner had a vision of me walking again. He is emphatic in his belief in it. Recently I've had 5 or 6 other people tell me of dreams they've had of me walking. Make of these things what you will but I am starting to have some sensation in my feet and legs that is encouraging to me. God has given me some big dreams while I've been in this bed. I really want the chance to see them come true. I feel like much of the focus of my walk with God has been incomplete in the past. I truly want to serve now. I think I've said before that suffering has sharpened my focus. Is it hard to believe I'll walk again? Yes. But it's getting a little easier. I don't know God's will for sure but I do know, "nothing will be impossible with God." ~ Luke 1:37

Confession

James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." Psalm 32: 3 "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer." James 3:1 "Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." The singing group, Casting Crowns, sings a song called Stained Glass Masquerade about our propensity as Christians to try and look perfect to each other. The Bible tells us to confess to one another and pray for each other. How often do we do that? I know that for me it was seldom. Or at least i didnt confess like i should have, asking someone to keep me accountable for changing. You see, I was often angry and bitter in my marriage. I thought it was Sean's job to make me happy instead of letting God fill me. It wasn't a full time thing by any means but it was an ugly cycle. There were times that I was teaching Bible Study and struggling with the anger when God's hand was heavy upon me like the verse above says above but I hid my sin and kept teaching. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, Sean and I changed and started to be more attentive and sselfless, but after a while of feeling better we kind of fell back into our old patterns. And quite literally, while I kept silent my bones were wasting away. I'm happy to report that since my relapse in 2017, the angry cycle has not been part of our marriage. There has been asking and granting of forgiveness. Lying in this bed, I've had lots of time to think about the ugliness of sin. I've had to repent and I've also realized how subtle Satan is at getting us to justify ourselves and blame others. Why do I share all of this? Because I know I'm not the only one. The Bible says we all struggle in many ways. The remedy for my pattern of anger should have been to have a mature believer to keep me accountable for change. We need to be transparent and stop hiding behind our masks of perfection. People need to see our struggles to know they're not alone in theirs. ( I'm going to add to this and not by way of excuse. I know now that I have had issues with estrogen dominance which caused awful mood swings. There are things like diet changes that help. In case others have this issue.)

Discouraged? Look Up

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:11 I have to be honest, I have been letting myself give in to discouragement the last few days. These verses speak of the soul being downcast. It's when we take our eyes off God and start looking down at ourselves that discouragement sets in. Verses 1 and 2 say,"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.When can I go and meet with God?" Isn't that an awesome description of yearning for God? When I thought of this passage this morning, I had to ask myself if I yearn for God in this way. The Bible says that we are to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. I definitely want that to be true of my life, but I'm not sure that it always is. Maybe that's another reason that I needed this trial in my life. The Bible talks about God refining us like gold and gold is refined by fire. Verse 11 quoted above says, "put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God." We don't have to, nor should we, wait to praise Him. I think that is key to overcoming discouragement. I have much for which to praise Him. First of all, He has saved me from my sin by the blood of Jesus. Secondly, in this trial I have so many wonderful caregivers. Sean and Tanner have been able to care for me here at home and they do a wonderful job of it. My parents and my sister come and help often as well. I also have many friends who keep checking in and come to do whatever I ask of them. I have so many people praying for me and encouraging me. Last night I had a very restful sleep which has been eluding me lately. I could go on and on. If you're discouraged today, lift up your eyes and your downcast soul and find whatever you can praise God for. I promise you, there is something even if you don't think so.

They Said it Better

Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. 6 He will bring forth your righteousness as the light And your judgment as the noonday. Psalm 37:3-6 I remember driving along with my daughter once and saying, " I gnever wanted to just survive." She was sort of taken aback and asked me what I meant. At the time, our kids were probably ages 4-14 and I was homeschooling them. I've often said of that season that I felt like I was being dragged behind a horse. It really shouldn't have been that way but I think I've always found it easier to fly by the seat of my pants than to be intentional about life. It's so easy to get into the rut of just getting up, going through the motions of our days without thinking or seeking after God's purpose in our lives. The verses above speak of cultivating faithfuless. Cultivation is intentional. You don't just go throw some seeds on the ground and expect them to grow.i think that in our walk with the Lord sometimes it's easy to get into the same kind of rut. Maybe we go through the motions, read our bibles, pray,go to church and bible study, but does it really translate into the life God wants for us? (I started writing this post earlier today. I felt like I was fumbling for words. I heard a song this evening that I think sums it up. It's called, "In the Time You Gave Me" by Bradley Walker and Joey Feek. https://youtu.be/wdRgZyeg07Y)

Are you on the highway?

Hebrews chapter 12 speaks of running the race marked out for each of us as believers in Christ. We are to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Each of us has our own race to run. The chapter goes on to talk about submitting to God's discipline and being taught by it, gaining the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Then there are these two verses plunked down, " Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13 “Make level paths for your feet,”so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed." I keep coming back to them because of my current situation and wondering over them. So I decided to see if there were similar verses elsewhere in the Bible. I found a beautiful passage in Isaiah 35. It has lovely imagery of a desert bursting into bloom. It speaks of the glory and splendor of the Lord. Verses 3 and 4 say, "Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; 4 say to those with fearful hearts “Be strong, do not fear;your God will come he will come with vengeance;with divine retribution he will come to save you." That sounds kind of harsh but God's people, Israel had many enemies from whom He repeatedly saved them. Then it speaks of a highway. "And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness;it will be for those who walk on that Way The unclean will not journey on it; wicked fools will not go about on it. 9 No lion will be there,nor any ravenous beast;they will not be found there. But only the redeemed will walk there, 10 and those the Lord has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." Now, what I want to ask is are you on that highway? Like Israel, we have an enemy from whom we need to be saved. Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." None of us is good enough to keep all of God's law so if we want to be His and spend eternity with Him we must be saved from our sin by Him. He loves us so much that He sent His Son to pay the penalty for our sin on the cross. We must recognize and acknowledge our sin and then we need to repent and turn from it. If you desire to be saved, pray to Him. Acknowledge that you have sinned and that you repent of that sin and that you need to be saved through the blood that Jesus shed on the cross. Everlasting life and joy await you there.